Dis(member)

Your hand is on my throat
and I cannot move.

Were you trying to crush
the air out of me
So I would lie still
So you could use me
Without my having to scream?

I am flat on my back
and your tongue is in my ear.

Were you trying to push
my brain out
So I would stop thinking
So you could have your fill
Without my needing to feel?

Do you know how I could
remember
my dreams
As though
they were real –
The curve of a banister rail
The lemon meringue fur of
my lola’s oldest cat
Vanilla ice cream melting
on the window sill –
But after that night
There is Nothing

But your fingers digging into me
and your dick down my throat

And I am there again
Standing outside the car
Watching you take
Everything away from me

Into blackness, I go,
And there is no one there
With Me.

May 29, 2006